A light for Erik

The past two weeks,  I have had a lot of thoughts and feelings inside of me. A desperation in my heart that goes into my deepest soul. When I am holding my speeches, I talk about how many young transgender people are trying to take their own lives. I talk about the moment when I thought my son had taken his own life and how I heard my heart go into a thousand pieces. And the sound I heard when my heart broke. A sound I will never forget. When I stood frozen, unable to move toward the window, where I thought my son had thrown himself out of. And the scream that came from my deepest inner, how it echoed raw, dark, desperate and almost grotesque, and between the houses in our backyard, but never left my lips. One second seemed like a lifetime. I thought I would never be able to move my body again, breathe normally again and live again.

But fortunately he was not dead!

But twoo weeks ago, on Monday, October 31 2016, 17:20, my friend had to live through all these same feelings, but not with the same outcome as me. A mother who is an absolutely fantastic mother, who has fought and loved her son just as much as I love and have fought for my son. A mother who is one of the most loving people I know. My heart weeps for her and my heart weeps for her son.

As my son said when he heard about Erik's death, It's enough now!!! Can we just let everyone be exactly who they are and love, accepted and respected one another!

This Sunday, November 20 is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. A day where our thoughts go to all trans people who have been murdered because of people's hatred and transphobia. But it is also a day when we remember all transgender people who have not had the power or strength left to fight any more. Where the darkness was too dark and they decided to leave this world.

Please light a candle for Erik, his mom and family. PLEASE write, or tell someone today who you know is struggling and might feel that they don’t fit into this world. Tell them that they do and that they are loved. Please spread LOVE and ACCEPTANCE.

If you can, come and join me and my son Sam in remembrance at Ågbro kyrka in Hälsingland from 13:00. Where we will hold our first lecture together “Love me for who I am” and I will sing Älska mig, by Josefin Nilsson.